


Half the Fun

by Timeline15



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Introspection, Masochism, Sisters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23632951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Timeline15/pseuds/Timeline15
Summary: With her Diamond off on his road trip, Jasper is left directionless, struggling with feelings that refuse to go away. Amethyst tries to help, but she may not like everything she discovers.
Relationships: Amethyst & Jasper (Steven Universe), Jasper & Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe), Jasper & Steven Universe
Kudos: 43





	Half the Fun

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little one-shot I felt like doing about Jasper. Not sure if there'll be any follow-up works to this one, because I have no idea how to solve the myriad mental issues the show gave her, so this is probably just going to be a standalone, slightly depressing look into Jasper's psyche.

Jasper crossed her arms and leant back against the wall of her house as she watched the Gems of Little Homeworld go about their day. The wall in question was newly reinforced following an upgrade by the Crystal Gems' Bismuth, presumably with the intent of preventing Jasper from busting any more holes in it. Jasper couldn't help but take that as a challenge; she'd have to find the time to try head-butting it later. For now though, she had other things on her mind, such as taking in the scene in front of her.

Just a short distance away, Lapis was sat on a small stool, with an easel erected in front of her. A crowd of Gems, each with a similar setup, sat facing her, eagerly listening to the elegant Blue Gem as she talked while painting. From her watching place, Jasper rolled her eyes. Excluding Steven, Lapis was perhaps the most powerful Gem on Earth at that moment, and what was she doing with her time? Teaching art classes? No wonder all those Gems looked so relaxed around her; if they were smart, they'd at be at least a bit on edge. After all, Lapis could probably grind all of them to dust with one hand tied behind her back. Jasper had tasted that power first hand. What she wouldn't give to have an opponent like that again…

"Um… Earth to Jasper? You in there sis?"

Jasper jolted back to alertness at the sound on the familiar scratchy voice. "Urgh… Whaddya want Amethyst? Run out of Crystal Gems to annoy?"

Amethyst's muscles tensed for a second, and for a brief moment Jasper dared to hope that she might get to fight someone today after all. All too quickly though, the purple runt calmed down again, letting out a deep breath. "Actually, I just saw you staring at the art class like a weirdo and figured I should check up on you. You doing okay?"

Jasper let out an exacerbated sigh. "I don't need babysitting Amethyst; not from the Diamonds, and definitely not from you."

"Really" replied Amethyst flatly "cos usually when you "don't need babysitting" you're off punching rocks or something, not staring at a bunch of Gems painting." The diminutive Quartz then took on a smirk. "Is my big sis just too embarrassed to admit that she want to join in?" she asked in the sort of voice a human might use to talk to one of their newborn hatchlings.

Jasper _really_ wanted to hit her now.

"Are you _trying_ to start a fight with me?" she snapped "because believe me, I'll give you one. Besides, it's not the painting I'm watching." Jasper immediately regretted letting that last part slip out. What if the war was still on, and that knowledge had been vital intel? She was really losing her touch.

"Whaddya mean it's not the painting you're- oh. Ohohohohoooo" Amethyst exclaimed as her eyes fell on Lapis. "I see how it is."

"Urgh, stop looking at me like that" Jasper grumbled. "There's nothing to smile about. Watching her has been boring anyway; she just wastes her time doing random useless Earth stuff."

"And what _should_ she be doing? Asked Amethyst with a raised eyebrow. "Or should I say _who_ should she be-"

"If you finish that sentence I'll grind you into dust" Jasper snapped, cutting the smaller Gem off. Amethyst mimed a zipper closing across her mouth and fell silent.

"As for what she _should_ be doing" Jasper continued "she should actually be using her power; throwing her weight around a little. She could take on everyone in this little town at once if she wanted to."

"But, like… she _doesn't_ want to." Amethyst replied flatly.

"Why the hell not?!" Jasper shouted back. She hadn't found much worthwhile on Earth, but human expletives were among the few things she had taken a liking to.

"Uh, because most people don't like getting into fights?" Amethyst shot back incredulously. "I'm pretty sure you're the only one who still thinks about that all the time. And besides, if you wanna think about that so much, go do it; why spend your time worrying how Lapis is living her life?"

"Do you seriously need to ask that?" Jasper replied, losing the will to beat around the bush any further. "Don't lie to me Amethyst. I know you've felt it too; the feeling of a fusion so good that it makes you feel like a god; the kind of fusion you don't ever wanna leave."

"Quit trying to drag me into this" Amethyst responded with a scowl. "I'm not like you; I've never had any fusions like Mala-" Amethyst cut herself off as a memory flashed before her eyes; four purple fists smashing the communication tower to smithereens; a huge form spinning a flail the size of a small house; the same form laughing as she attacked her own allies.

"Yeah, that's what I thought" said Jasper, taking advantage of her silence. "I've heard all about your "Sugilite" fusion. Admit it; when you get a taste of real power, you feel just the same as I do."

It took Amethyst a moment to respond. She remembered all too well the ecstasy of feeling Garnet's power flow through her, making her stronger than she'd ever been. She also remembered how that feeling had made her lose control more than once. "Jasper…" Amethyst finally began "is… is _that_ what being Malachite felt like? I always figured it must've been horrible, with Lapis pulling against you the whole time an' all."

"Are you kidding?" asked Jasper, failing to hide the grin creeping onto her face. "It felt incredible. Lapis is one of the most powerful Gems I've ever seen, and she was throwing everything she had at me the whole time. It was the hardest I'd ever had to fight!"

"Yeah, but…" Amethyst replied, evidently unable to wrap her head around Jasper's point "that doesn't sound that great. I know I wouldn't wanna be on the receiving end of Lapis when she's pissed. Didn't she hurt you pretty bad?"

"Of course she did!" Jasper replied enthusiastically, her expression now unsettlingly happy. "That was half the fun!"

Amethyst took a half step back, shocked at Jasper's sudden display of… whatever that was. "Uh, sis? You're kinda scaring me. Maybe we should get you some help."

"I don't need help" Jasper grumbled, her usual foul demeanour returning. "What I _need_ is a good fight, and no-one on this pathetic planet is willing to give me one! Lapis would rather do arts and crafts than throw down, and my Diamond is travelling the world "finding himself", whatever that means."

"Dude, you've really gotta find a better way to take your anger out. Didn't Bismuth give you that training dummy for this?"

Bismuth had gifted Jasper with a training dummy a few days prior, with the intention of keeping the unruly Quartz from smashing anything that didn't belong to her. The thing was cast out of the hardest metals Bismuth had been able to find, and was standing up to the punishment from Jasper pretty well, showing only the odd dent. The satisfaction jasper got from it however, was limited.

"Urgh, the dummy's fine I guess, but it doesn't fight back." Jasper replied, crossing her arms.

"So?" Amethyst responded, looking increasingly unsettled. "You still get to punch the thing. How does would dummy punching back make it any better?"

"What part of 'getting hit is half the fun' did you not understand?" Jasper goaded her. "The best thing about fighting a strong opponent is feeling them put their all into hitting you; feeling their weight behind every punch; knowing that you're strong enough to force them to go all out. Nothing beats that."

As she spoke, Jasper thought back to her time as Malachite, remembering the feeling of Lapis' chains pulling against her, the weight of an entire ocean pushing down on her, and the anguished cries Lapis would make as she threw her entire being into the struggle. Even now, the memory sent a shiver of ecstasy through Jasper, but it was nothing compared to how she felt when she thought back to a more recent fight; the only one she'd had that was even better than Malachite.

She remembered Steven standing before her, pink energy radiating off him as he flew at her with stunning speed and force. She had had to push herself to the limits of her abilities just to fend him off, her light form threatening to fly apart with every titanic punch he landed.

Then, suddenly, she had been trapped; encased between four walls as Steven hovered in the sky above her, erecting a massive barrier. She remembered briefly being scared as the barrier crashed down onto her with the force of a meteorite impact, before the muted crunch of her gem shattering sent a final wave of pleasure through her as her consciousness was forcibly broken apart.

When she had woken up in that small pool that Steven kept in his house, Jasper had been too shocked to think about the experience. Her consciousness had been fragmented along with her gem after all. The larger parts had been almost sentient, able to formulate a vague desire to find the other pieces, while the smaller fragments barely counted as minds at all. In an instant though, Steven had somehow bonded every one of those entities back together into the complete mind that was Jasper. She had been so in awe of his power, both in managing to shatter her and in undoing said shattering, that she had simply bowed before him, accepting him as her Diamond.

It was only now, in his absence, that she had had time to actually reflect on the moment of her shattering; how… good it had felt. She… she wanted to feel it again. Stars, she wanted it.

Her reminiscing was interrupted when Amethyst tapped her on the shoulder. Jasper nearly jumped out of her skin, summoning her helmet on reflex. "Huh?!"

"Er… You kinda spaced out there for a sec sis. And did you seriously just _sigh_?"

"Excuse me?" Jasper replied with an irritated tone.

"You did. You totally sighed like some sappy teen in that dumb show Peridot watches. I really think you should get some help dude. Being this… _into_ getting hurt can go bad real fast."

"I already told you" Jasper replied, puffing out her chest "I don't need anyone's help. I just need someone to-"

"Fight you. Yeah, I know" Amethyst cut in, irritation evident in her voice. "Well too bad Jasper, cos guess what: _no-one's_ gonna do that for you. The rest of us didn't enjoy getting kicked around by you y'know. Heck, even the two people who actually _beat_ you are still super torn up over it. No-one is gonna give you what you're looking for anymore, so you're just gonna have to figure out how to put up with it."

"Humph, fine" Jasper scowled.

"Alright, I'll see ya around then" said Amethyst, too mentally exhausted by the conversation to argue further. The small purple Quartz ambled off, only looking back over her shoulder briefly at where Jasper was stood. Taking a deep breath, she did her best to calm herself. _"It's ok Amethyst"_ thought to herself _"can't help people who don't wanna be helped, right?"_ She knew what she was thinking was true. She just wished that made it any easier.

With Amethyst Gone, Jasper slunk back into her house. She used the front door; she didn't feel like trying to defeat the wall at the moment. Wandering over to her training dummy, she put her hands on its shoulders. She wanted to ram her face into it again and again until her gem was ground to dust, but she knew the attempt wouldn't even chip her. Even if it did, Steven wasn't around to fix her, and she didn't feel like dying today.

Instead, she simply brought her fists to bear, beating dent after dent into the metal facsimile. It didn't feel as good as it should, but it would have to do.


End file.
